Raising the next generation to be kind and compassionate in an otherwise harsh world is something to admire, and I’m so happy I got a chance to chat with three lovely parents who are doing exactly that, setting an example for their little ones.
Daniel has a five-year old daughter, Sharmila has a three-year old daughter, and Jess is a vegan mother of two-year-old twins. These three have generously shared their own unique insights into the world of raising compassionate little humans! This interview throws light on some of the challenges, opportunities, and joys that come with vegan parenting, and the reality of it all.
This one’s long but worth every word, so get yourself a cup of tea and enjoy reading Daniel, Sharmila, and Jess’s words of wisdom! 🙂
1. What are some of the ways you try and instill values such as kindness and compassion in your child/children?
Daniel: We are lucky to have a beautiful little fur baby in our lives called Fenster, so we teach our children about compassion and kindness by showing them how to treat her kindly, ensure she gets the food and exercise she needs and listen to what she wants – and how she communicates this. Our daughter understands that Fenster is an individual with her own goals and desires, and that while we take care of her, she does not belong to us, she is not a mascot to be dominated and subjugated – she is another living being who must be given the space, freedom and respect she deserves.
Sharmila: I do this by being the role model. Kids, consciously and subconsciously learn from us, their actions/behaviours are most often a reflection of our own. We show her why it’s important to be kind and empathetic and we see her learn to do the same.
Jess: In our family, we strive to teach and, more importantly, model kindness and compassion for our children at an early age. We value all lives, human or animal. Children learn so much by observing the behaviour of their parents and caregivers. We hope to help our children understand how other beings may feel in order to cultivate a deep sense of empathy and social justice. Our actions and decisions matter on a daily basis. How will we spread love in all that we do?
2. Have you had any conversations with them about food (in relation to animals)? At what age is a child normally ready and open to such a conversation? Can you describe how some of these conversations typically go?
Jess: We keep language for toddlers simple and age appropriate. As children get older, I think the complexity of conversations and questions will increase. It’s our job as parents to be prepared to respond. Our children know that we do not eat animals because we love and care about animals and we do not want to hurt them. We read books about loving and respecting animals. We love to involve our children in meal preparation. They are so adventurous and try everything – I credit this to our amazing vegan lifestyle!
Daniel: We have had so many conversations about food with our daughter – she is naturally very curious about how we eat, occasionally applying this curiosity to her own choices. The key thing to note about the conversations we’ve had is that they’ve only ever been initiated by her. She first did this as a 3 year old and appeared shocked that people eat animals, clearly having not made the link that ‘meat’ was previously a living creature. I think this feeling is quite fleeting at that age, however, as the brain is still developing and so malleable – her choices since would certainly suggest this anyway. She has asked a few times about us not eating meat (she seems not to notice that we don’t eat dairy either, possibly because vegan cheese looks so much like the dairy equivalent) but doesn’t probe too much into the ‘why’ of it – I’m careful to give her the space to do this rather than ram my views into her ears!
Sharmila: Our toddler finds it hard to accept when I teach her about animals eating smaller animals – she denies it. So I think we are just not ready for the talk about it yet, but slowly and gradually, she is seeing the world around her and she will get to know. Maybe a few months from now, at around 3yrs, she would understand this and I would be able to explain it better.
Sharmila documents all the vegan meals she feeds her toddler! Follow @avnieatsvegan on Instagram for recipes and vegan baby food ideas!
3. Do you think children are born animal lovers?
Sharmila: Definitely. All kids love animals and are naturally empathetic, until we teach them or fear or discriminate or condition them to believe that animals’ purpose is to serve us. Kids would feel betrayed if we told them that they eat animals that have been hurt and killed.
Daniel: I’m not sure if children are born as animal lovers as I think nurture has a far greater role to play than nature in most things. Having said that, there is a wonder in the natural world and living creatures that most children seem to possess from an early age – and – counter to that – something cultural and sociological that seems to flip this wonderment on its head as they get older. I think we learn a lot from the structures in place around us, so if people see animals on the menu or read books about benevolent farmers ‘taking care’ of animals – then they learn speciesism by osmosis and that such things are normal – even though the system of agriculture in most countries is anything but.
Jess: Yes, but I believe this love has to be fostered and developed. Young children are naturally drawn to animals. They are naturally curious and show no desire from an early age to harm or hurt animals. As children grow and develop, their understanding can evolve. It’s vital to teach children about animal welfare and the importance of advocating for compassionate and ethical treatment of all animals. All animals have a right to live without harm, exploitation, and cruelty.
4. Do you think your child would be more likely to be vegan and stay vegan if they understood the ‘why’ of veganism right from a young age?
Sharmila: Absolutely. Without the conditioning that normalizes exploiting animals, and by understanding why we as a family chose this lifestyle/stance, they grow up knowing what we took many many years to unlearn.
Jess: Yes, I certainly hope so! So much of what we believe in is a foundation that was developed by our own parents and the values they’ve instilled in us. I hope my children are always proud to be vegan and understand all of the incredible benefits for not only their own health and well-being, but for the well-being of animals, the planet, and social justice causes.
Daniel: I was brought up in an intensely religious family and I was never given a choice about what I would or would not believe. This meant that when I got into my teens and began to question things, I had a hell of a lot of questions and I found the answers sorely lacking. I’m now broadly atheist/agnostic – and I particularly find a lot of religious teachings about humanity’s moral imperative towards animals deeply troubling. It’s inevitable that our own experiences will play a part in how we choose to raise our kids and I have no doubt that my own experience of being forcibly raised a certain way plays a part in our family decision to not discuss the why of veganism with her unless asked or to in any way force our way of life onto her.
My hope is that by nurturing her empathy and giving it space to grow, she will naturally come to view the world how we do, I also make sure that the food I cook her is far healthier and more delicious than the meat meals she may choose to eat at school. In short, I don’t think having the ‘why’ of veganism forced onto her would make her more likely to stay vegan. I think that, for it to be a sustainable belief, it has to be a realisation she comes to herself in her own time.
5. As your child grows up a little and starts to get exposed to animal products (for example, at school or at a friend’s place) they might get tempted or pressured into eating what others are eating. How would you navigate this?
Daniel: I think most children are naturally curious, my daughter is certainly very curious, and my feeling is that if I forbade her from animal products, it would only heighten her curiosity and make it more likely that she would be interested in them. In an ideal vegan world, no animal products would exist and therefore there would be no childlike curiosity about them – but sadly we are quite far off of that world, so my feeling is that, in the world we are in, the best way to ensure that my daughter makes the best ethical choices down the line is by giving her free will now to navigate the world as she sees fit.
My views and my ethical choices are not hers and I am here not to control her but to guide her – if she asks a question I will answer it but I will not lecture her on the best way to live her life, partly because this is illiberal (and who am I to command her, as I too would have eaten animal products at her age, so the charge of hypocrisy stands) but also because this would only increase the likelihood of her rebelling.
The best example I can give her is the template of my own life where I have been vegan for 5 years and lead a full, happy, healthy and guilt-free life – she sees this from me and my wife everyday, so no matter the temptation or pressure she may feel in situations, she has a good template to compare her choices to.
Jess: Children deserve every opportunity to celebrate special occasions. I am hopeful that by providing a vegan alternative at school events or birthday parties, etc., my children will be satisfied. As parents, we can do the very best to instil these values for our children. We can model from an early age and talk openly about our priorities as a family. I am not naive to the likelihood that there may be struggles or questions that arise, but I am confident that we can navigate this together as a family when the time comes. I want my children to feel empowered to make decisions that align with their values and priorities.
In another article, Jess shares 10 Valuable Tips on Vegan Parenting. Save it to your read-list!
If your child currently consumes animal products…
6. How does it make you feel?
Daniel: In all honesty, my internal instinct is to forbid her from doing this! I have to fight this, however, and remember that – relatively speaking, age-to-age, I am not morally spotless and certainly not morally superior to her and she has to live her own life and make her own decisions, mistakes and build her own ethical framework. I hope I can help in this journey but know that the best way to do so is to be available as a source of information – not ever-present as a cajoling and overbearing voice.
7. Do you set boundaries? For example… Does your child ask for non-vegan food at home? What about when you go out for dinner as a family? Do you encourage them to eat vegan when you are all together?
Daniel: Our daughter was breastfed up to 1 and weaned from 6 months onwards on vegan food. When she got to the age of roughly 3, when socialising with non-vegans, they would often have dairy yogurts and cheese and she chose to eat these, seemingly enjoying the taste. Since starting school, she has told us that she has chosen and eaten the meat option available to her.
Our daughter has asked for dairy cheese and dairy yogurts when shopping before and we have bought them for her, much for the same reasons expressed above (by forbidding them, I think it just makes them more exotic and increases the likelihood of her desiring such items). She has never asked for meat when shopping and I suspect this is due to a combination of the fact that a) the vegan food she gets is so tasty, she doesn’t feel the need to or as though she ‘misses out’ and b) on some level she knows that – whilst we obviously disapprove of dairy products and animal suffering is sadly a part of how they come into being – an animals life is not directly taken to make them (there is of course serious indirect suffering)… I think that on some level she knows this and that’s why she’s never asked – I really love her for that.
We only go to vegan restaurants/cafes when we eat out (we are fortunate to live in London which makes this easier) so eating meat in restaurants has thankfully never been an issue. I suppose it’s worth considering what we would do if she did ask us to buy meat for her at the supermarket. I think I would answer to her that if she wants to eat meat she has the choice to do so at school. I suspect that she would accept this answer – but if she were to query it or say it’s unfair, I would probably point out to her that by buying dairy products for her we have already compromised on our beliefs, so she needs to accept this compromise with us rather than pushing us further and creating disharmony. She is fairly open to rational arguments and evidence and I think that would be the end of the matter.
8. How does your child relate to you being vegan? Do they show curiosity about your diet and lifestyle?
Daniel: In the last few months especially (now she is almost 5), my daughter has been particularly vocal in asking myself and my wife ‘is this vegan’ or ‘are you vegan’ on a few occasions. She has on a number of occasions, after asking us about where meat comes from and hearing our answers, said ‘that’s so sad’ and ‘people shouldn’t eat animals’ – but has then only days later eaten meat herself at school… I suppose we all have a friend who is a faltering vegan or vegetarian and I take the view that if I can show compassion to their stumbles, it is even easier to do so to my 4 year old child!
After all, the fact that she is even saying such statements suggests that as she grows and her own ethical framework develops, she will know within herself what is most morally just and follow this compass, rather than just doing something out of habit or because she thinks we expect her to. The long-term sustainability of the belief behind the action takes precedence for me over the short-term morality of the action being taken.
9. Is there anything you’d like to add?
Sharmila: As much as the media has created a biased fear about vegan diet for children, I would say it’s completely possible to raise a kid on a vegan diet and lifestyle. To parents who are hesitant to take the step, please consult a paediatric nutritionist to get guidance and gain confidence to raise vegan kids.
Daniel: I suppose one final thing I’d like to add is that – I can see how our approach could be open to calls of hypocrisy or bad-veganism by buying dairy products for our daughter. We take, however, a utilitarian approach to our veganism and my deeply held belief is that by forcing our choices upon our kids now, they will only rebel against them later. Therefore, the suffering we to some extent allow for through the purchase of these products – I would hope – is outweighed by the fact that – by not forcing choices upon our kids now, they are more likely to choose veganism of their own free will later and stick to it for (hopefully) a lifetime.
So the way I see it, it’s the lesser evil – in short, a handful of years of purchasing the odd dairy product is better when it’s versus a lifetime of my kids rejecting our beliefs and purchasing numerous animal products for decades, even if only to signal their difference from us.
I may be mistaken of course – and if that’s the case, I’d be sad about that. However, there is the moral consideration of raising your kids to respect other people’s choices that also needs to be considered, so by giving her freedom to choose in all areas now, I am engendering this value in her, which is likely to make her a more open person towards others, increase her empathy and hopefully make her empathetic enough to reject all animal suffering down the line.
Only time will tell if our approach is correct but I commend everyone on their vegan parenting however they choose to approach it. I suspect there is no single ‘correct’ way (as with most parenting decisions) as individual personalities come into play and it’s always going to be a tough road to travel – that’s just part of the job description!
Thank you – Daniel, Sharmila, and Jess, for this heartfelt, thought-inspiring conversation.
I’m sure there are so many vegan parents-to-be and folks who are curious about vegan parenting in general who will seek and land upon this article and gain much insight from it. We need more people like you in the world!
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